a valediction, in need of mourning?

Today, I received my umpteenth graduation card from my aunt Cheri. There have been about a thousand before it, for several reasons, this card actually hit me.

We didn't know that my aunt Cheri existed until I was thirteen and she approached my grandmother in a restauraunt. My grandmother had my father when she was sixteen-years-old, so, obviuosly, my biological grandfather went on like my grandmother to make a family of his own.

Cheri is my half-aunt who I've only known for five years now. Cheri and her husband don't have a lot of money, yet they still had it in their hearts to respond to my graduation announcement with a greeting card and a money order of twenty dollars that they don't have.

Maybe it's because all of the friends and relatives I've received congrats from thusfar are pretty well-off, but I hadn't really up to this point considered the gifts sent to me as anything less than deserved and natural. And for what? What have I done to deserve these generous gifts? Managed to put up with four years of test and busywork? Big deal. Sure, it's an impotrant milestone, but that doesn't equal entitlement.

Until now, I've been ripping open cards, ignoring the heartfelt congrats in the cards in favor of the checks and bills inside of them. What's wrong with me? Is this the sort of person that i'm going into the world to become? Someone that values the resources made available by her family rather than the people behind the? Am I becoming my father?

Not only that but this part of my life really has ended not with a bang but a whisper. Should I be tingling in anticipation over the impending starting line of my life? Should I be mourning more the closing chapter of my childhood?

easy mac: the devil's food.

today, I wanted some macaroni and cheese. I love macaroni and cheese. macaroni and cheese has and always will be one of my favorite foods, especially the beautiful concoction as perfected by my amigos at Kraft.

now, I myself am a blue box girl, tride and true. I am more than happy to spend the proper time waiting for my water to boil, eight minutes while my macaroni becomes tender and delicious, and two minutes adding margarine and milk and powdered space-cheese to make my macaroni and cheese utter perfection. but not today.

today, I had only one option:

easy mac.

now I myself was until today an easy mac virgin as far as making my own went. my best friend ashley, at whose house I am currently residing, is an easy mac expert, thus explaining the abundance of easy mac in her pantry and the saddening absence of proper macaroni and cheese. this sad bastardization of mac 'n cheese would have to do, however, as I really really had quite the hankering.

enter sam's club gigantic box of easy mac packets, cheese packet taped onto tiny little packet of macaroni barely enough to fill up a pixie. I'm no hobbit, but I need a little more than a sixteenth of my bowl filled to make me satisfied. but, I digress. I poured my easy mac in my 2 cup cereal bowl and poured in the 2-3 allotted cups of water to find that my easy mac was positively drowning in H2O. however, I'm not fool, and I knew that Kraft would never steer me on, and assumed that there was some kind of magical property in easy mac making it need way more water than was macaroni-ly necessarily.

three minutes and fourty-five seconds, the microwave was calling its siren song towards me with promises of macaroni goodness. but I was steered for shipwreck. instead of a cacophony of delicious tastes and possibilities for cheesiness, I was greeted with water so scalding-balls hot that I was forced to use my best friend's father's socks as oven mitts. after draining almost three-quarters of the water in the bowl (all unnecessary, as I'd guesstimated), I carried, via sock-hands, my boiling hellfire bowl of poser macaroni to be cheesified. maybe the cheese would make up for the measly portion and skin-melting temperature.

so I mixed in my cheese, and evidently had still not drained enough water because from the depths of my bowl surfaced an ocean of boiling hot water, making my macaroni and cheese way more watery than I usually prefer it. grabbing the salt and pepper I was, however, willing to give it a shot. after all, all of this must really be worth it, because Kraft would never lead me astray, especially macaroni-wise.

I took a bite.

Kraft, how could you do this to me? even positively covered in salt and pepper, easy mac ended up just being easy. I feel so betrayed.

hello, i love you, won't you tell me your name.

oh, hi, I didn't see you there... yeah, no, do I know you? oh, really, 'cause I thought maybe we had english... or maybe not. heh. heheh. I swear, you look just like this person I.. meh, nevermind.

anyways, I'm rachel, and I'm a scorpio that enjoys long walks on the beach. or not. man, introductions are awkward...

to introduce myself, I'll copy this little gem of a roommate-searching survey I concocted during my roommate hunt for the 2009-2010 school year at UNT:

1. What kind of books do you read?

I read the good kind. but in all seriousness... my favorite writer is chuck palahniuk, and I'm only a little ashamed to admit I dig me some bret easton ellis on a regular basis. but really... I like anything with engaging, real characters, and a plot to keep me hooked. some of the books I've read most recently range from brave new world to up at the villa to a theology book called jesus for president. yeah. I guess eclectic's a good word... or maybe just ravenous devourer or literature. and by that I mean, good literature, not that charlotte bronte shit.

2. What was your favorite class your senior year of high school?

ap european history, because my teacher, tim murray, liked to pretend he was a cynical bastard, when really he probably cared the most of all of my teachers. he's gone to college like three hundred times and has like eight different masters. I want to be him when I grow up.

3. Why is your best friend your best friend?

my best friend ashley is my best friend because she's really good at lesbian sexual intercourse.

4. How would you describe your personal style?

I hate to be trite and recycle that eclectic word, but, yeah. my best friend and I share a room and a closet, and looking at her clothes next to mine, it's kind of amusing. ashley's is a bevy of american eagle and urban outfitters rich people clothes in tones of grey and other boring, muted things, while mine is an explosion of random color, pattern, and print mostly purchased from old navy, the goodwill, or random clearance racks. my closet is also color-coded. it goes pants, jeans in gradient then black pants then green pants, dresses, skirts, jackets, shirts, all of these micro-organized by a. color (white neutrals black roy g. biv) and then color intensity (e.g. pink red maroon).

5. What is your favorite movie or genre of movies?

I like good movies. my favorite movie is paris je'taime. go watch it. I like everything from die hard to one flew over the cuckoo's nest to almost famous to paris, when it sizzles. I like good movies.

6. What kind of music do you like/what are a few of your favorite bands?

I listen mostly to rock and its various variants. my favorites at the moment are indie and folksy music, but that's mostly because my new college town is positively swarming with a veritable bevy of indie-folk hipsters. oh yum. my favorite band is the beatles, and i love old music, and listen to much more old music than contemporary music, though I will listen to random late 80s hip-hop or rap. I essentially listen to anything but contemporary country (I dig me some willy nelson) or contemporary pop music, e.g., anything on KISS FM. I avoid the radio like the plague.

7. Which president is your favorite?

team roosevelt! I dig me some teddy AND franklin delano.

8. Do you attend church or some kind of religious gathering?

jesus is a cool guy, though at the moment I'm kind of having I guess what you would call a crisis of faith, struggling with christianity and what it means for me and whether that's the group I care to identify with. it's an ongoing struggle, I think, for any honest and self-respecting christian.

9. Are you politically minded/interested in current events/world culture?

what in the heck is culture? I'm american, I don't need any of that bull excrement. god bless texas. beer cans and rodeos, that's the only culture I need to know about.

10. Do you like me? :D

well, yes, I've only recently met myself, but for the most part I could say that I perhaps indeed DO like you.

i think i used the word bevy twice in this post... new hipster high or new hipster low?

testing, testing, 1,2,3

alas, I've finally broken down and succumb (several years late) to the blogger movement.

there's a special ring in hell reserved for people like me.